I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize