I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
