Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
