i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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