I got chris browned last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
