The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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