he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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