You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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