I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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