Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
