Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
