Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
