someone get that fucking seahorse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
