Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do vagina's smell?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
