With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
