Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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