Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
