hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
