every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize