You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
