1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I only lived at night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
