He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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