I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
