haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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