tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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