dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
