Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
