the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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