I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
