I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize