We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
