38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was CRYING into my vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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