We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
