My room smells like vodka and shame
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
