can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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