He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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