she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
