Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
