Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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