peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
