dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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