im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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