i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
