you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
