I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
