you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My dick has a subreddit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
