It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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