Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
