Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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