They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
