I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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