so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize