Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
