That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
