She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
