I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
