i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
