New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize