ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
