The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
