I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
