I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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