Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
