if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
