my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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