Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
