so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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