bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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