I am puke
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
