Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize