Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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