if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She said her name was "party"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
