Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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