i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
