I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
