Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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