Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize