If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
