the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
