i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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