Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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