I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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