I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
