I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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