Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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