i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
