It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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